When Goku Gets High
by Mr. Zombie
Summary: If you don't have a sense of humor, don't read. Piccolo gets Goku high.
1. The beginning

This is something I posted here a while back and was actually my biggest hit, but it was removed from fanfiction.net because it had a NC-17 rating. But now I realize it is ok to use an R rating for a story such as this. This is the story that led to Piccolo's World, although they don't really have anything to do with each other.  
  
When Goku Gets High  
  
Goku was watching T.V. when there was a knocking on his door. He opened it and immediately knew something was going on. Piccolo's turbine was on crooked and his eyes looked funny.  
  
"Uh, hey, Piccolo," Goku said. "What brings you here?"  
  
"Is that woman here?" Piccolo asked.  
  
"Who? Chi Chi?"  
  
Piccolo sounded quieter then usual. "Yeah, Chi Chi."  
  
"No, she's out shopping, why?"  
  
Piccolo lifted a blunt. "Try this."  
  
Goku's eyes widened. "Where'd you get that?"  
  
"Who cares? Take it."  
  
Goku shook his head. "Smoke is bad for your health, and I gotta stay healthy."  
  
"You got this stuff all wrong. It's GOOD for your health."  
  
Goku's eyebrows rose. "It is?"  
  
"Hey, I'm Piccolo," he said pointing to himself. "Would I lie?"  
  
"You have a point. I guess I could try it once."  
  
Piccolo's face brightened. "You won't regret it. You, uh, better come out here."  
  
They walked outside and Piccolo handed the blunt to him: "Here. It's lit already."  
  
Goku looked at it and shook his head. "No, on second thought, I don't think I should."  
  
"Goku, trust me. Besides, is the greatest fighter in the universe afraid of one puff?"  
  
"Just one?"  
  
"Just one."  
  
Goku closed his eyes and took a puff. He immediately began coughing. Piccolo rolled his eyes when Goku tried to hand it back. "I said one puff. You didn't even do that much. Try again."  
  
Goku tried again. It was better but he started coughing again. "Again," Piccolo ordered.  
  
Goku wasn't a failure. He wanted to succeed. He would try until he got it right. Three blunts later he did, and he wasn't normal. Goku's eyes were bloodshot and wide. He looked down at his hands. Piccolo had a "What the fuck?" look.  
  
"Piccolo, what's happening to me?"  
  
"Uhhh. . . ."  
  
"I can't see straight. Everything sounds far away."  
  
"Calm down. You're talking too loud," Piccolo said while putting the blunt in his mouth.  
  
Goku couldn't. He was staggering. Piccolo took a hit and blew the smoke in Goku's face. Goku screamed like something was attacking him, and Piccolo began to laugh insanely. Goku joined him.  
  
Several blunts later. . . .  
  
Both of them had smoked several blunts and joints, all courtesy of Piccolo. Goku had gotten the hang of it, and both were really fucked up!  
  
"Did you see that?" Piccolo said pointing to a tree. "I just saw it move!"  
  
Goku ignored that and said, "Piccolo, did you ever notice that you're, well, green?"  
  
Both burst out laughing, and Goku said, "You look like a pickle!"  
  
That made them laugh even more. This went on for several minutes.  
  
"Hey, remember when Nappa killed you? That was funny huh?"  
  
Piccolo stopped laughing and simply said, "Not really."  
  
Goku stopped laughing as well. "Oh."  
  
By now they were both sitting on the ground. For ten minutes there was silence, and then Piccolo suddenly burst out laughing. Goku followed.  
  
Nighttime.  
  
Both of them sat by a large lake and there was a fire in between them. They both were hypnotized by the fire. Large animal skeletons and hundreds of empty canteens sat around them.  
  
"Hey Piccolo," Goku said while not taking his eyes off the fire.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Where the hell are we?"  
  
"Uhhh. . ."  
  
Goku finished eating the meat off one of the animals and turned to Piccolo. "Huh?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, 'Huh?'."  
  
"Oh, I see. Quite interesting Goku."  
  
Goku rubbed his stomach. "Well Piccolo, I'm gonna go home and eat. All that just wasn't enough for me," Goku said.  
  
"Yeah, okay."  
  
Goku flew off, leaving Piccolo, who didn't take his eyes off the fire, behind. Piccolo lit another blunt.  
  
***  
  
Oh, it wasn't the end of the tale. Goku went home and forgot to eat for some reason. He went straight to sleep instead. The next morning there was a knocking on his door, and none other then Piccolo was at his doorstep, holding a box.  
  
"Hey Piccolo, what's in the box?" Goku asked.  
  
"Allow me to show you," Piccolo replied.  
  
He opened it and it was filled with weed. Nice, wonderful weed.  
  
"Wow," Goku said.  
  
"Yeah, well, it's Round 2. I even got my pipe."  
  
Goku hesitated. "I don't think I should. . . ."  
  
"Goku, it's harmless. I've already proven that to you."  
  
"Well. . . ."  
  
Piccolo held up his pipe. Nameks don't lie, Goku."  
  
Goku took the pipe. "All right then!"  
  
THE END. . . for now.  
  
---  
  
Indeed, this was written almost a year before Piccolo's World. There is more to this story, and I hoped you got a good laugh. Later. 


	2. Chapter II

Well, just like last time the reviews are damn good. I am glad people like this story, so here it is, The Sequel. Special thanks to all who reviewed and like my stories. It is VERY appreciated. Anyway, enjoy:  
When Goku Gets High: The Sequel  
  
***  
  
Goku lay on his back in the middle of a field facing the sky. To him, the sky was green and red, quite strange. Things were even blurry. He had no idea what the hell was going on.  
  
"Piccolo, what's happening?" Goku muttered.  
  
Piccolo made no reply. He didn't want to let Goku know that the stuff (Goku still hadn't figured out that it was called weed) that they had just smoked wa really powerful. Its effects were even greater with the amount they had smoked.  
  
Piccolo had been standing there over him the whole time, and Goku just now finally noticed him. From Goku's view, Piccolo's head was very far away, and he stood over him like a tower.  
  
"You should really get up, Goku," Piccolo said.  
  
"I can't feel my legs. I can't get up."  
  
"Damn Goku, you should see your eyes. . . damn. You're really fucking high!"  
  
"High? But I'm on the ground."  
  
Piccolo burst out laughing. Goku made no movement for a few minutes, and Piccolo just kept laughing. Goku finally started laughing himself. After a few minutes of this Goku sat up and said, "I have an idea."  
  
"You do?" Piccolo asked surprised.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
Goku said nothing for twenty seconds, and then he finally said, "What is what?"  
  
"Uhhh. . . ."  
  
Piccolo took another hit and gave the joint to Goku and said in an evil voice, "It's time for the test, Goku."  
  
Goku's eyebrows rose. "Test?"  
  
"Yeah. . . WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING! AAAAHHHH!"  
  
Piccolo screamed and pointed to a bird. Goku screamed as well: It's Freeza!" he shouted.  
  
Heh heh," Freeza said. "It's time for you to die!"  
  
Goku's eyes widened with fear. "No, wait. . . . Hey, wait a sec, that's not Freeza! It's a bird!"  
  
"Yeah, no shit," Piccolo replied, and they both burst out laughing again.  
  
This again went on for several minutes until Goku said, "I have an idea."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Uhhhh. Oh wait, I remember now. Let's go to Vegeta's."  
  
"What the hell for?" Piccolo asked.  
  
I'm hungry, and with all that money him and Bulma got, he's gotta have plenty of food for us!"  
  
Piccolo rubbed his bloodshot eyes. "Wow, I never thought of that. Let's go."  
  
They took off into the air, and neither of them could fly straight. It took them almost thirty minutes to reach Vegeta's place.  
  
***  
  
Goku walked up to the door of Vegeta and Bulma's house and knocked. There was no reply. Goku knocked again.  
  
"Go away!" Vegeta shouted from inside.  
  
"Vegeta, it's me!" Goku shouted back.  
  
"Oh great! That's even worse!"  
  
Goku and Piccolo started laughing for no reason.  
  
"What's so funny clowns?"  
  
"C'mon Vegeta, open the door!"  
  
Vegeta opened the door, but only his head(and hair) could be seen. "What is it?"  
  
"We're hungry, we need some food."  
  
"And water," Piccolo added.  
  
"What the fuck? Go find your own god damn food!" Vegeta shouted angrily.  
  
"And water," Piccolo added.  
  
Goku, without even thinking, kicked the door down. "I'm fucking hungry!"  
  
Him and Piccolo stormed in, knocking down furniture as they went. Vegeta's face went red with anger. "Get the FUCK out of my house!"  
  
Goku and Piccolo started doing a Beavis & Butthead laugh as they walked through the house looking for the kitchen. Vegeta stormed after them.  
  
"What the hell's wrong with you Kakarot? The same with you Namek! You're acting strange!"  
  
"I'm fuckin' thirsty," Piccolo said.  
  
They finally found the refrigerator and tore the door off its hinges. There was no food(or water).  
  
Goku's eyes widened. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"  
  
"You stupid jackass. I ate it all!" Vegeta shouted.  
  
Piccolo went for the sink, and put his face under the faucet. "Where the hell's the water?"  
  
Piccolo went back up and tore the faucet off and threw it aside. "No god damn water! He ate that all too!"  
  
"Ah, you fool!" Vegeta shouted. "Get the hell out of here!"  
  
Goku started laughing. "You forgot to turn it on!"  
  
Piccolo started laughing too and threw the faucet through the window. They left without saying another word to Vegeta, as if they had never been there.  
  
***  
  
"Where the hell are we, and who the hell am I?" Goku asked himself.  
  
They were in the middle of yet another field. Piccolo was sitting down smoking the weed with his pipe.  
  
"Damn, you look weird," Goku said.  
  
Piccolo looked up at him, but said nothing. Goku's eyes suddenly widened with fear. "WHAT THE FUCK??"  
  
Piccolo suddenly changed into King Cold!  
  
"Hmm, superb," King Cold said in his British-sounding accent.  
  
"Holy shit! You're here for revenge!" Goku shouted.  
  
King Cold turned, looked at him, and said, "Damn man, you're fucked up."  
  
Goku blinked, and Piccolo was back again. Piccolo had that "What the fuck?" look, and he was even looking at his pipe questioningly.  
  
"Piccolo, I don't know what's going on. Help me!"  
  
"Uhhh. . . ."  
  
"Damnit Piccolo, that's all you ever say!"  
  
Piccolo started laughing.  
  
Goku's face turned to rage. "You fucking green piece of shit!"  
  
Piccolo's laugh went away.  
  
"I'll kill you!"  
  
Piccolo stood up. "Hey, don't forget who you're talking to. I can control this shit, you can't," Piccolo said seriously.  
  
Goku didn't listen. He clenched his fists and walked, well, staggered, over to Piccolo. Piccolo stood up and looked down at him.  
  
"You've been asking for it, Piccolo!" Goku shouted, and swung at him.  
  
***  
  
Piccolo had beat Goku around for over an hour and flew off with his weed. When Goku awoke he was normal again, and he was beaten and bruised. He sat up and shook his head. He had no idea what had just happened. Goku stood up and flew off, vowing to never smoke again.  
  
THE END  
  
***  
  
Indeed, I always seem to be putting Freeza and King Cold in hallucinations, but those two are great!! Anyway. hope you liked it. there's more to come when I've got more time. and don't worry. I'll put up the next chapter to Piccolo's World II soon as well. 


	3. The Third Chapter

Sorry about the length of time it took me to post this chapter. I can't believe it has been over a month!! Next time I won't take so long to update this.  
  
***  
  
When Goku Gets High: The Third Chapter  
***  
  
"I can't believe you'd even think about doing such a thing!"  
  
For three hours Goku had listened to Chi Chi yell. He hadn't said a single word after telling Chi Chi what he had been doing these past few days.  
  
"I NEVER would have thought! I'll never get over this!"  
  
Goku sighed.  
  
***  
  
It was completely dark and silent outside, with the exception of Piccolo's footsteps and his quiet laughter. He walked to the door and knocked.  
  
"What is it?!" Vegeta shouted.  
  
Piccolo just simply laughed.  
  
"Ohhhh! It's the Namek! I've been looking for a reason to kill you!"  
  
The door opened and there stood Vegeta, an angry look on his face. Piccolo managed to hold in his laughter and say: "Now, before you kill me, I have an offer to make to you."  
  
Vegeta's right eyebrow rose. "What?"  
  
Piccolo lifted a blunt. "Try this."  
  
Vegeta looked at it confused. "What is it? And why are your eyes red?"  
  
"You're just seeing shit Vegeta. You smoke this."  
  
"Smoke huh? I'll pass."  
  
Piccolo rolled his eyes. "God damn! What's wrong with you Saiyajins?! You're afraid to do anything that doesn't involve fighting! Goku did it!"  
  
"So? Kakarot's a foolish clown!"  
  
Piccolo looked at Vegeta like Vegeta was the stupidest person alive. "Uhh, yeah, a foolish clown. Anyway, I wouldn't even be asking you this, but he, uh, said you'd most likely say no because you're a bitch. His exact words."  
  
Vegeta's eyes widened. "WHAT! How dare he? Give me that!"  
  
Vegeta grabbed the blunt and took a hit. While coughing and gagging he said, "God damn."  
  
"You can do better then that. Goku also said you'd probably cough and gag like a little bitch."  
  
Vegeta growled and took another hit. After this one Piccolo began to laugh like an insane maniac getting ready to kill someone.  
  
***  
  
Chi Chi had finally left him alone. He was sitting down in front of the T.V. when there was a knocking on his door. Goku got up and opened it. None other then Piccolo and Vegeta were at his doorstep, eyes bloodshot and huge smiles on their face.  
  
"Well," Piccolo said evilly, "if it isn't, uhhhh. . . ."  
  
Piccolo forgot what he was going to say.  
  
"What are you guys doing here? Chi Chi's pissed," Goku said in a quiet voice.  
  
Piccolo lifted a blunt. "Take it."  
  
Goku didn't hesitate in replying: "No, I'm not going through that again. Go away."  
  
"Heh heh heh," Vegeta laughed.  
  
"Shut up!" Piccolo shouted.  
  
Vegeta shut his mouth.  
  
"C'mon Goku, you know it's harmless," Piccolo said.  
  
"I said no!"  
  
"You know, I told Vegeta on the way here that you'd be afraid. I always liked Vegeta better, and you know why? Because he's not afraid to take one single hit! He doesn't act like a bitch!"  
  
"Yeah, Vegeta ain't no bitch," Vegeta said pointing to himself.  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Piccolo shouted angrily at the Saiyajin Prince.  
  
Vegeta kept quiet again.  
  
"Hey! I'm not a bitch!" Goku insisted.  
  
"Then take a hit," Piccolo offered.  
  
Goku shook his head. "I'm still not going to."  
  
"Well, I guess it's settled Goku," Piccolo said, "Vegeta has finally beaten you in something."  
  
"Hey, you're right," Vegeta said surprised. He laughed quietly to himself.  
  
"What? Vegeta better then me?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"Give me that!"  
  
Goku took the blunt and Piccolo grinned like some insane person getting ready to strike their victim as Goku took a hit.  
  
***  
  
They had no idea where they were, but the place had a lot of trees. They sat in a circle laughing for no reason, passing a blunt around as they did so.  
  
"Man," Vegeta said. "I should try this stuff more often. I'm not pissed as usual."  
  
They started laughing even harder after he said that.  
  
"Damn," Vegeta said. "I'm fuckin' hungry."  
  
Suddenly, Vegeta pulls out a jar of grape jelly.  
  
"Jelly?" Goku asks.  
  
Yeah. You got a problem with that?"  
  
Piccolo turned toward Vegeta with a look of anger. "Put that shit up. I don't like grape jelly."  
  
"I think not Namek! Hell, you don't even like food!"  
  
Goku sat back and smiled as they argued. But then suddenly, they disappeared, and none other then Captain Ginyu and Jeice appeared. Goku didn't even say anything. He just looked at them with his eyes halfway open.  
  
"Well hello there Goku," Ginyu said. "You're looking pretty ragged out."  
  
"Look at that bloke, Cap'n. He's pretty messed up," Jeice said.  
  
"Indeed he is, Jeice. Must be those shrooms I gave him."  
  
"Must be, mate."  
  
"Hey," Goku said. "Aren't you guys dead?"  
  
"Well, I know I am, mate. The Cap'n over here is supposed to be a frog."  
  
"Right you are, Jeice," Ginyu replied. "Oh, and Goku, you do realize this is just an hallucination right?"  
  
"A what?"  
  
"Goku, hey, what the fuck?" Piccolo asked.  
  
Goku blinked and the two disappeared. Vegeta and Piccolo looked at him with "What the fuck?" looks. Vegeta's mouth was covered with grape jelly.  
  
"Damn," Goku said covering his face. "I'm wasted."  
  
Piccolo and Vegeta burst out laughing.  
  
***  
  
They had no idea how much time they had spent, but they had spent a very long time laughing and pointing at a dead squirrel.  
  
"Man," Vegeta said, "this stuff is great."  
  
Piccolo was drinking water, Vegeta was eating his grape jelly, and Goku was eating the meat off of a dead dinosaur that he had personally killed. Vegeta suddenly stopped laughing, and looked at his jar of grape jelly, and then at the squirrel. He did this several times until finally saying: "Hey, I'll be right back."  
  
Piccolo and Goku didn't even notice him walk off. He went behind a tree and what he did with that grape jelly behind that tree I will not mention.  
  
***  
  
It was dawn. They had managed to stay stoned all night long. Goku slowly stood up and said, "Well, it's getting late. I'm going to go get some sleep."  
  
Piccolo and Vegeta said nothing.  
  
"Thanks a lot Piccolo," Goku said. "Guess I'm not a bitch anymore."  
  
He flew off, leaving the two behind. Piccolo pulled out a blunt and the two passed it around to each other.  
  
"Heh," Piccolo said. "He's still a bitch."  
  
The two started laughing insanely.  
  
THE END  
  
Until next time of course. 


End file.
